Thursday, April 6, 2017

Story: Week 11




Jara



"Northern Lights" Source: PixaBay



"Jara, I am sorry it has to be this way. It is in the best interest of our two cities." said her father. "I have done nothing wrong, I am the one who has tried to keep peace among us." Jara responded. "You must face the same punishment as your siblings and cousins. I will hear no more of this!" the King declared. Jara stormed out of the hall, where she was met with guards to escort her to her room. Tears began to flow from her eyes thinking about leaving behind everyone she has ever known. While gathering her things she heard the guards conversation outside her door. "They were supposed to return four days ago." whispered one guard. "That kid was nothing but trouble, I am sure they just had a few hold ups along the way." the second guard whispered back. "Kaloo!" Jara thought to herself. She realized they must have been talking about her cousin who was exiled a week prior. She had always had a strong relationship with her cousin, despite his temper. She thought he was just misunderstood and received too much criticism from his father and the people. The guards knocked and told her it was time to leave. She took one last look and left the living quarters without saying goodbye to her parents. In her mind they had betrayed her and her brother, this was something that could never be forgiven.
Her destination would be the Northern Glaciers, a three week journey to the coldest and darkest corner of their known world. The boat transporting her and three guards was outfitted with ice breaking equipment; it was the cold season and the waters would be frozen over. Jara was not shackled, unlike her cousin Kaloo. She was considered the least dangerous of the four cousins, and had not shown any aggression in the past. Her dark skin kept her hidden on nights with no moon, much like this one. The only way to spot her would be by her eyes that always had a slight glow to them. The ship set off, disappearing into the dark night. Looking to the stars she thought of her brother and relatives. She did not worry about her brother, Rama. He had always been able to take care of himself. Even in the desolate islands he was exiled to, she knew he would be fine. Kaloo, however, worried her deeply. He had always been dependent on someone, and never on his own. When they were young she would defend him from bullies that teased him for being so small. Jara believes this is what caused his temper and furious outbursts. Exhausted from the eventful day, Jara fell asleep on the front of the ship, under the stars. She awoke to the three guards having an argument.  Blending in with the night she crept around the side of the ship to see what was going on. A pigeon had delivered a letter, "What do you mean he escaped?!" yelled the captain. They were talking about Kaloo, he had escaped his transport and killed both of the guards. "The king wants us to take a detour and search for the boy." said the captain, "We should be arriving tomorrow."

Bibliography
The Indian Heroes by: C. A. Kincaid

Authors Note
This story is based off the story, "The princes of Elephant City". Rama and Jara are very similar to the Pandava brothers. In the story, the Pandava brothers are all exiled. However, they are exiled together but move around to different locations. 




3 comments:

  1. Hey, I really liked your story. I have some suggestions. I like the content, but maybe you can change up the formatting a little bit. Add some separate paragraphs to make it easier to read. Also, this will block the scenes of the story better for the reader to understand. Other than that nice read and I like the photo!

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  2. I think that you chose a great story to re-write. I would suggest creating more spacing between paragraphs as you change the direction of the story. For example, when you begin "Her destination would be the Northern Glaciers..", I would suggest putting more space between the start of that paragraph. Furthermore, I think you could advance the quality of the story by giving a little more background about why Kaloo was being exiled and why Jara is being taken away.

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  3. Vann the story that you chose to recreate this week was extremely interesting. The use of dialogue was really good and I always enjoy reading it because it makes a story more lively. I would suggest maybe separating the dialogue or spacing it out a little bit more so that it does not become jumbled with the rest of your writing. I really liked the picture that you chose to accompany your story this week.

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