Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Week 6 Story: Kaloo




Kaloo

"Kaloo" Source: Pixabay


The air is hot and heavy, saturated with moisture it is impossible to be dry. The deep blue water gradually turned green as the island approached. With the green water came the increasing swampy smell of the Pergonia Islands. In school  Kaloo had read in school that it rains twenty out of the twenty-four hours. The thought of a constant barrage of water made him sick as his disgust deepened. Anger and betrayal filled his heart. His own father had banished him to live life on such a vile island and despite his mistakes he felt this to be unforgivable . He could already feel the moisture seeping into his skin and dampening his flame. "I refuse to live here, I must escape this dreadful place", he thought to himself. "Fifty miles east are the red plains, take me there and I will not harm you", Kaloo shouted to the guards. "Shut it!", said the guard followed by a smack of his whip to the back of the neck. Kaloo could feel the heat begin to grow, starting in his stomach and extending to his shackled hands and feet. The iron chains began to glow as his anger grew. "One last warning, turn this boat around!" said Kaloo. "Thats enough!", said the second guard as he kicked Kaloo in the side. Kaloo gasped for air, his eyes turned red as his chains grew hotter. He felt uneasy, the same uncontrollable feeling that accompanied burning down the local market as a young boy. He rose and threw off the molten chains. The guard with the whip ordered him to stand down, but Kaloo only saw the movement of his mouth. The ringing in his ears was far to loud, as the heat began to reach his face. The guard mouthed a series of commands as his whipping arm swung back, the brass tip hurled towards Kaloo's face leaving a deep cut. Kaloo felt as though someone was controlling him. His right arm raised, in line with the belly of the guard. His arm felt as though it was going to explode, until a bolt of fire sent the guard flying off the boat and into the sea. What seemed to have taken place in a few minutes happened in an instant. The second guard swung his axe at Kaloo, slicing down his shoulder. He felt the heat in his toes and swung around kicking the guard in the temple. The kick exploded with fiery crack, scorching the guards face and knocking him unconscious. The ringing in his ears began to retreat along with the heat in his limbs. He felt a sharp pain and fell to the floor clinching his shoulder. Blood flew fast from the wound and he began to feel light headed. Kaloo fetched the medical kit below the captains wheel, fumbling around until he found thread but no needle. His right arm had lost feeling and needed to close the wound quick. He focused, searching for the heat he felt earlier in his stomach. It grew as he guided it towards his left finger. Reaching over his right shoulder he expelled a small flame, cauterizing the wound. Although the pain was immense, it was overcome by the feeling of joy. This had been the first time he was able to control his fiery power. He shackled the guard and steered the ship due east. He headed away from the island towards the vast red plains and even more importantly towards his father.




Bibliography


Authors Note
This story is loosely based off the stories of Ramayana. This story focuses on two cities and an avatar named Rama. Rama is fierce with a bow and kills many dark creatures. He ends up marrying the kings daughter after completing the challenge of breaking the sacred bow. Rama is soon exiled by his father for fourteen years. Fortunately for Rama, his wife Sita and brother accompany him. I used some characters from this story and ideas of dark and light to fuel the overlying theme.

3 comments:

  1. Vann, this is a really cool story and I enjoyed it throughout. The detail you used helped shape the story into a great one. You did have a few grammar errors that would easily be fixed if you read it again. I do think the story would be easier to follow if you separated it into smaller paragraphs. Regardless the story was pretty fun to read!

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  2. Hey Vann! What a great story. I really liked the detail you put into it. I would recommend some breaks in the text, as well as properly embedding your dialogue. I just think it might help to break up the story into something a little less daunting to read, and even help to build suspense between paragraphs. Keep up the great writing.

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  3. Once I started reading the story, I immediately noticed how well you utilized your descriptive writing skills. The reader can really imagine themselves standing on a beach front of a deserted island. I like how well informed you made Kaloo about the geographical layout of the area. It made him seem very adventurous and "Hunger Games"-like. I love how Kaloo was able to overcome his fiery power as well as the guards. Great work!

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