Hey Vann I read your Storybook and here are my thoughts!
What are you planning on putting on the home page?
So is the website going to be one big story about the individual adventures of the four grandchildren (or was there another theme that I missed?)? I think that would be cool.
What if by telling their stories you can also show how even though they are far apart they are still affecting each other or the city or something like that? I think it would make the readers more eager to read more if you ended the intro with a question or a cliffhanger. Something to draw them in to keep going.
For the design I was thinking maybe breaking up the paragraphs more on the intro? I think that would make reading it a little easier for new readers (especially ones that aren’t in this class and aren’t familiar with the Ramayana). Also, is the ying yang supposed to be a representation for Fama and Oolak?
I think this is a good start to your Storybook Project!
Hi Vann! I really liked this introduction. You did a great job of giving an history/overview that is short and sweet but still effective. I really felt the ‘wow’ factor at the very end of the post when you described where each of the four teenagers were exiled to. Your description and detail did a wonderful job of painting a picture in the mind of the reader. You also did a very good job of developing and giving a full introduction of all the characters, that way it made everything you said come across clear! Even to someone who knows nothing about the original story. I wonder what it would have been like if you made the ending a little bit longer. The ending is so great with the info of the twins’ whereabouts, but it seems to end abruptly. To me, the end was sort of the climax and there was nothing leading away from it. Overall, you did an awesome job! Can’t wait to see what else you will write.
The level of research and knowledge that you have put into this introduction is great! It really shows that you know what you are talking about and that you have a plan for what is to come. The sentence structure in your introduction is very nice. It is concise, but still adds a little bit of flare to the writing. What if you tried adding more pictures to the introduction? I think that this would add a lot to this post. It would sort of break up the paragraphs and give the mind a break in between all of the reading. I am a little confused as to what your stories will be about. There are so many characters and plots involved in this introduction that it is difficult to see where it is going. All in all, I think that this is going to be a great Storybook. With the addition of some more visual representations and the continued knowledge that you show, it will be amazing!
Hi Vann! I'm going to ditto our classmates and really commend you on the knowledge and research that is evident in your introduction! You really did your homework on this one, and set a really awesome tone for the rest of the storybook. As for constructive criticism, I would maybe consider adding a few pictures or like a family tree! All of the names and their attributes were just a little hard to keep separated, but an image could really help solidify the family linage in the reader's mind. I would also recommend adding a little something else to the ending, like a hint about where the first chapter is going to go! Overall, great job!! I can't wait to see your storybook take life!
This intro is really well done. It has got to be one of my favorites so far. I love the battle between good and evil. That is a common theme in many stories but having the conflict originate with the ancient beings of good and evil is super interesting. I liked the picture you used as well. It really captures the essence of the story and it lets you know what is about to happen. However the design of your site was not my favorite so far. It is neat and organized but it is plain. I liked how the story shares many similar details to the original so it is easy to follow and compare. I liked how they all got banished to different parts of the world too. Each going to a place of power that related to them. Overall this was great and you did and amazing job. I look forward to reading more.
Hi Vann! Wow, the amount of work you have put into this story definitely shows as others have said before me. I really was taken aback when I read all of the detailed explanations you gave, and wondered how much work it took you to confirm that all of that was indeed true. I wonder if there are some ways to make this project a little bit stronger, however. When I first clicked onto your storybook, I was curious because of the title. When I encountered the homepage, I guess I was a little clueless about what was actually being shown in the Storybook. Maybe the homepage could have a small blurb, or some background image, to allow readers like myself to gain some familiarity as to the subject matter in which they are about to read. I think you did a great job in explaining the meaning of your storybook title in the introduction, and I think it would just make your storybook stronger as a whole if people know what it is about before they click on introduction! However, all in all, this was really interesting and I am so glad I clicked on your Storybook as my one free choice in reading a Storybook this week! Nice work!
I really enjoyed looking at your storybook and your ideas are very creative. For your intro, if you want to do some more editing, maybe you could describe a little bit more about your characters and their backgrounds. It appears that some of them are human and maybe some are gods or spirits or forces? It is a little bit confusing for the reader if they don’t know the background. Other than that your intro looks great to me! I enjoyed your story as well. You had great description of the island and I could easily visualize the situation from your writing. Are you thinking of continuing the story next week? It seems like you could easily add things on to this story and make your storybook one long work. Also maybe add some background as to why Rama is on the island in the first place. Maybe that would make a good next story like a flashback!
I love the idea of intertwining the Mahabharata and Ramayana! I am excited to find out who the other cousins will resemble since I do not recognize their names in the introduction. I didn’t realize that Faboo was going to be like Hanuman until I saw the image and then it clicked. Have you positioned the image in any other place? It might look cool to place it on the left-hand side. I think the imagery of the island is great. When you describe how Rama is about to fall after the rock breaks, you use slip and slipped in successive sentences. This might be worded better if you were to say something like “Holding on with one arm, he began to lose his grip.” Then leave “slipped” in the following sentence or vice-versa but that is just a suggestion. Also, I noticed that the last sentence in the first paragraph needs rephrasing and has one of those tricky homonyms in it. I am definitely looking forward to reading the rest of this storybook!
Hi, Vann!! Your storybook story was so creative and well executed! All of the descriptions were so vivid. I really like how you are focusing each story on a different character/avatar. It will be interesting to see if you continue this story, and make it overlap with the next one, or if you completely start something new. if I would suggest anything, it would be adding an image at the top. This really helps the reader get into the scene without having to read a single word. With your great storytelling skills, I think this could be really powerful. All around, great story and I look forward to keeping up with your project!!
I remember reading your intro a few weeks ago so I was really excited to start reading your stories and check back in with your storybook! I really like how you have your stories set up. I was intrigued by the one about Rama the first time I read it and now I am even more interested since I read the story about Kaloo. Are they both on/ going to the same island? What is so special about the island? Are you going to introduce two more characters? I am assuming since your site is titled “the four” you might make stories for two more characters as well. Will they also have superpowers like those of Kaloo and his fire? I think it would be really neat if you ended your storybook with a big final story that involves all the characters you introduce. You have done a great job and I am very interested so I will be back to check on your progress! Great job!
Hi Vann, I just read the intro and your second story “Kaloo” and I must say were both amazing.
The details were so specific I felt like I was there. Your intro really made things easier to understand. I found myself getting emotionally invested in the story. I’m a film major, so I was actually imagining this as the intro to a series. I’m probably off but the tone and and story felt similar to The Last Airbender. Not necessarily the storyline, but the introduction and stories followed a similar format.
My only suggestions for your story would be to break them up instead of having one huge paragraph. If there is one line of dialogue, it can be included in the paragraph, but if they are going back and forth it’s better to start a new line for each time a different person speaks.
Other than that, great job! It was very entertaining and you have me hooked! Best of luck with the rest of it.
Vann, your storybook is looking awesome! Everything is so well organized and formatted. I loved reading your story about Mahabharata and Ramayana and that all intertwining! The different stories and characters had lots of details that made following along more interesting and I felt like I could jump right into the story, and I kind of wanted to! You did a great job here! I think that one thing I would consider revising is the creativity of your home page. I think it is well organized and put together but maybe spicing it up a little bit some pictures to develop your stories more and maybe even a little more design. I bet if you added in some more things to spruce up the appearance your storybook it would draw in an audience even more! The story lines are great but I think that some more creativity in the design could help out.
I really enjoyed your story like many other people who have commented on your story. I have a few suggestions on your story as well as good notes on your story I wrote down. I really enjoyed your imagery and how it seemed you were trying to help your audience connect with what was going on. I would like to add that maybe you could break up the chapters some more or if you are doing different adventures for the characters maybe you could connect them. I always like watching those movies where all the most famous actors are in. You could do something similar except they aren't all in the scene at the same time. Then in the end you could bring them all together and help you readers see that even though they were all on different paths they still collided together in some way. I think overall you are doing a good job and continue writing!
Hi Vann, Wow, it seems like I just visited your page a week ago, but it's actually been about a month (crazy how time flies). I can see that you have definitely put a lot of work into this project since then. I had the opportunity to revisit your introduction, and I wonder if there is something here that could make it become a little more clear about what your goals are with this Storybook project. What if you could also put an Author's Note here to explain the motives behind the story? I think I just got a little lost with all of the different names, and details. I also had the chance to read your first story. It is really cool how you were able to mix the two Epics together and create a completely new story of your own. I can definitely see that you have "loosely" gathered information from the Epics as indicated in your Author's Note. I appreciate how you explained here the motive behind your story as it made everything come together, and strengthen the story overall. Nice job! I am so glad to have revisited your Storybook this week.
I read your introduction and the first chapter about Rama. I love that you are basing your story off of the Ramayana because this was definitely my favorite epic that we have read in this class so far. I like how you incorporate a lot of the aspects from the story and mixed it in with the theme of the Mahabharata. You have definitely put a lot of thought into your story and how you are going to transition it to the next chapter in your storybook. I am kind of jealous now for choosing to do a portfolio instead of a storybook. I think that your author’s note also does a great job of explaining what is happening in the story even though it seemed pretty obvious by just reading through it. I wish you the best of luck on the rest of this storybook and the rest of the semester! Great job!
Hi Vann, Here I am again! I had the opportunity to read you story about Kaloo this time. I am really interested to know how you came about choosing the name for this character only because it's a very unique name! I really liked your story, and how detailed you were able to make it. It was really thought out and well put together. I think the image you provide at the end really gives the story a good look at the environment that was portrayed throughout the whole story. When I read you author's note, I was blown away after making all of the connections. The way you were able to take elements from both of the epics we have read and turned it into something completely brand new was amazing. The only thing I might suggest about the story in general is maybe a small introduction in italics to remind readers what happened before this story. I had to go back and read the introduction again to remember how these stories came together. Other than that, this was very well done, and I am glad I was able to revisit your page this week! Nice job!
Hi Vann! I was assigned to read your storybook again this week even though I just did it 2 weeks ago! The first time, I only focused on the introduction and the first chapter with Rama. This time I read the story about Jara and it was an interesting environment that the story was set in. I like how you made it the northern glaciers in a cold and dark world. Since this is my second time reading your story, I just wanted to say that I think the rest of the little stories really wrap in well with the introduction that you wrote at the beginning of the year. I liked in your author’s note how you pointed out the difference between the male vs female things that were seen as the norm activities. I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your storybook and the rest of the semester!
Vann, I checked back on your storybook and love how it has progressed. Kaloo’s arrival is very descriptive, just like Rama’s and I think that you have done a wonderful job painting this picture for your reader. He is by far my favorite character. I like how Kaloo is dark, resentful, and unforgiving. I see the parallels that you listed in your author’s note to Duryodhana. I like the placement of the image for Jara’s story, have you tried to move the image for Kaloo’s to see what it looks like instead? I did find a small typo in the author’s note for Jara’s story. It is in the sentence about Draupadi’s strength. You wrote “He” and I am pretty certain you meant to write “Her”. I hope that I will get to read the final story since Jara has been left on a cliffhanger. I am hoping that she will either help squelch Kaloo’s anger towards his father. Even if I don’t, I love the work you have completed!
Hey, Vann. I love what you have done with your storybook! I have to say that my favorite part of your storybook is the story about Rama. I think it is really cool that that specific story is based off of the Ramayana. That was probably the favorite thing I read this semester and I could never get tired of reading it or reading anything that relates to it. It's also awesome that you chose to do the first story in relation to the Ramayana because all of the class has read it. It really gives us the opportunity to really take all aspects of your story in. It's also really cool to see the transitions you have made when going to the next chapter. This makes reading your storybook so easy and smooth. Great job on your project! I think you did a really great job on it!
Hi Vann, I really enjoyed your section on Kaloo. His imprisonment and his struggle for controlling his power was symbolic. I would live to see you write more back story to this, maybe as an origin of where Kaloo is from, why he is a slaved worker, how and why he received his powers, etc. Just from reading that section, you have a lot you can plan on and develop a great, detailed story (or collection of stories). I know this is the last we have to writ and share our stories based on the course, but you should definitely continue dabbling in it.
This time I read you story on Tali. I think I am starting to get the bigger picture with how you are creating these mini stories. It feels like each element will be possessed by one person, almost giving it an Avatar feel. I thoroughly enjoyed that series, so to see it mixed in with Indian mythology is great. I am curious to see if the four "chosen" ever meet and devise a plan to overthrow a larger threat. Maybe they wage war against each other, or maybe they simply develop powers and that is the end of it. Thus far there has not been much conflict in your stories (well, direct conflict I should say), so it is interesting to see how you develop this.
I can definitely see the element characteristic with each character. Rama is air, Kaloo has fire, and Tali has water. That is very intriguing to me still. I mentioned before that I wished you had dove a little deeper into the origin stories of how each character received their powers, but, the way the story is progressing, that may be better left for a later time. These stories feel like they are "mid origin" stories. This meaning that they are thrown into a conflict after they have established what they can do, and are working towards accomplishing some goal. If you incorporate a flashback from their younger days before these odd conflicts occur, that too would be great. All of the characters are shackled and thrown into terrible locations as a prison. Is there a singular enemy at work here?
Hey Vann I read your Storybook and here are my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteWhat are you planning on putting on the home page?
So is the website going to be one big story about the individual adventures of the four grandchildren (or was there another theme that I missed?)? I think that would be cool.
What if by telling their stories you can also show how even though they are far apart they are still affecting each other or the city or something like that? I think it would make the readers more eager to read more if you ended the intro with a question or a cliffhanger. Something to draw them in to keep going.
For the design I was thinking maybe breaking up the paragraphs more on the intro? I think that would make reading it a little easier for new readers (especially ones that aren’t in this class and aren’t familiar with the Ramayana). Also, is the ying yang supposed to be a representation for Fama and Oolak?
I think this is a good start to your Storybook Project!
Hi Vann! I really liked this introduction. You did a great job of giving an history/overview that is short and sweet but still effective. I really felt the ‘wow’ factor at the very end of the post when you described where each of the four teenagers were exiled to. Your description and detail did a wonderful job of painting a picture in the mind of the reader. You also did a very good job of developing and giving a full introduction of all the characters, that way it made everything you said come across clear! Even to someone who knows nothing about the original story.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what it would have been like if you made the ending a little bit longer. The ending is so great with the info of the twins’ whereabouts, but it seems to end abruptly. To me, the end was sort of the climax and there was nothing leading away from it. Overall, you did an awesome job! Can’t wait to see what else you will write.
The level of research and knowledge that you have put into this introduction is great! It really shows that you know what you are talking about and that you have a plan for what is to come. The sentence structure in your introduction is very nice. It is concise, but still adds a little bit of flare to the writing. What if you tried adding more pictures to the introduction? I think that this would add a lot to this post. It would sort of break up the paragraphs and give the mind a break in between all of the reading. I am a little confused as to what your stories will be about. There are so many characters and plots involved in this introduction that it is difficult to see where it is going. All in all, I think that this is going to be a great Storybook. With the addition of some more visual representations and the continued knowledge that you show, it will be amazing!
ReplyDeleteHi Vann! I'm going to ditto our classmates and really commend you on the knowledge and research that is evident in your introduction! You really did your homework on this one, and set a really awesome tone for the rest of the storybook. As for constructive criticism, I would maybe consider adding a few pictures or like a family tree! All of the names and their attributes were just a little hard to keep separated, but an image could really help solidify the family linage in the reader's mind. I would also recommend adding a little something else to the ending, like a hint about where the first chapter is going to go! Overall, great job!! I can't wait to see your storybook take life!
ReplyDeleteThis intro is really well done. It has got to be one of my favorites so far. I love the battle between good and evil. That is a common theme in many stories but having the conflict originate with the ancient beings of good and evil is super interesting. I liked the picture you used as well. It really captures the essence of the story and it lets you know what is about to happen. However the design of your site was not my favorite so far. It is neat and organized but it is plain. I liked how the story shares many similar details to the original so it is easy to follow and compare. I liked how they all got banished to different parts of the world too. Each going to a place of power that related to them. Overall this was great and you did and amazing job. I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHi Vann!
ReplyDeleteWow, the amount of work you have put into this story definitely shows as others have said before me. I really was taken aback when I read all of the detailed explanations you gave, and wondered how much work it took you to confirm that all of that was indeed true. I wonder if there are some ways to make this project a little bit stronger, however. When I first clicked onto your storybook, I was curious because of the title. When I encountered the homepage, I guess I was a little clueless about what was actually being shown in the Storybook. Maybe the homepage could have a small blurb, or some background image, to allow readers like myself to gain some familiarity as to the subject matter in which they are about to read. I think you did a great job in explaining the meaning of your storybook title in the introduction, and I think it would just make your storybook stronger as a whole if people know what it is about before they click on introduction! However, all in all, this was really interesting and I am so glad I clicked on your Storybook as my one free choice in reading a Storybook this week! Nice work!
I really enjoyed looking at your storybook and your ideas are very creative. For your intro, if you want to do some more editing, maybe you could describe a little bit more about your characters and their backgrounds. It appears that some of them are human and maybe some are gods or spirits or forces? It is a little bit confusing for the reader if they don’t know the background. Other than that your intro looks great to me! I enjoyed your story as well. You had great description of the island and I could easily visualize the situation from your writing. Are you thinking of continuing the story next week? It seems like you could easily add things on to this story and make your storybook one long work. Also maybe add some background as to why Rama is on the island in the first place. Maybe that would make a good next story like a flashback!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of intertwining the Mahabharata and Ramayana! I am excited to find out who the other cousins will resemble since I do not recognize their names in the introduction. I didn’t realize that Faboo was going to be like Hanuman until I saw the image and then it clicked. Have you positioned the image in any other place? It might look cool to place it on the left-hand side. I think the imagery of the island is great. When you describe how Rama is about to fall after the rock breaks, you use slip and slipped in successive sentences. This might be worded better if you were to say something like “Holding on with one arm, he began to lose his grip.” Then leave “slipped” in the following sentence or vice-versa but that is just a suggestion. Also, I noticed that the last sentence in the first paragraph needs rephrasing and has one of those tricky homonyms in it. I am definitely looking forward to reading the rest of this storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi, Vann!! Your storybook story was so creative and well executed! All of the descriptions were so vivid. I really like how you are focusing each story on a different character/avatar. It will be interesting to see if you continue this story, and make it overlap with the next one, or if you completely start something new. if I would suggest anything, it would be adding an image at the top. This really helps the reader get into the scene without having to read a single word. With your great storytelling skills, I think this could be really powerful. All around, great story and I look forward to keeping up with your project!!
ReplyDeleteI remember reading your intro a few weeks ago so I was really excited to start reading your stories and check back in with your storybook! I really like how you have your stories set up. I was intrigued by the one about Rama the first time I read it and now I am even more interested since I read the story about Kaloo. Are they both on/ going to the same island? What is so special about the island? Are you going to introduce two more characters? I am assuming since your site is titled “the four” you might make stories for two more characters as well. Will they also have superpowers like those of Kaloo and his fire? I think it would be really neat if you ended your storybook with a big final story that involves all the characters you introduce. You have done a great job and I am very interested so I will be back to check on your progress! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Vann, I just read the intro and your second story “Kaloo” and I must say were both amazing.
ReplyDeleteThe details were so specific I felt like I was there. Your intro really made things easier to understand. I found myself getting emotionally invested in the story. I’m a film major, so I was actually imagining this as the intro to a series. I’m probably off but the tone and and story felt similar to The Last Airbender. Not necessarily the storyline, but the introduction and stories followed a similar format.
My only suggestions for your story would be to break them up instead of having one huge paragraph. If there is one line of dialogue, it can be included in the paragraph, but if they are going back and forth it’s better to start a new line for each time a different person speaks.
Other than that, great job! It was very entertaining and you have me hooked! Best of luck with the rest of it.
Vann, your storybook is looking awesome! Everything is so well organized and formatted. I loved reading your story about Mahabharata and Ramayana and that all intertwining! The different stories and characters had lots of details that made following along more interesting and I felt like I could jump right into the story, and I kind of wanted to! You did a great job here! I think that one thing I would consider revising is the creativity of your home page. I think it is well organized and put together but maybe spicing it up a little bit some pictures to develop your stories more and maybe even a little more design. I bet if you added in some more things to spruce up the appearance your storybook it would draw in an audience even more! The story lines are great but I think that some more creativity in the design could help out.
ReplyDeleteVann,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story like many other people who have commented on your story. I have a few suggestions on your story as well as good notes on your story I wrote down. I really enjoyed your imagery and how it seemed you were trying to help your audience connect with what was going on. I would like to add that maybe you could break up the chapters some more or if you are doing different adventures for the characters maybe you could connect them. I always like watching those movies where all the most famous actors are in. You could do something similar except they aren't all in the scene at the same time. Then in the end you could bring them all together and help you readers see that even though they were all on different paths they still collided together in some way. I think overall you are doing a good job and continue writing!
Hi Vann,
ReplyDeleteWow, it seems like I just visited your page a week ago, but it's actually been about a month (crazy how time flies). I can see that you have definitely put a lot of work into this project since then. I had the opportunity to revisit your introduction, and I wonder if there is something here that could make it become a little more clear about what your goals are with this Storybook project. What if you could also put an Author's Note here to explain the motives behind the story? I think I just got a little lost with all of the different names, and details. I also had the chance to read your first story. It is really cool how you were able to mix the two Epics together and create a completely new story of your own. I can definitely see that you have "loosely" gathered information from the Epics as indicated in your Author's Note. I appreciate how you explained here the motive behind your story as it made everything come together, and strengthen the story overall. Nice job! I am so glad to have revisited your Storybook this week.
I read your introduction and the first chapter about Rama. I love that you are basing your story off of the Ramayana because this was definitely my favorite epic that we have read in this class so far. I like how you incorporate a lot of the aspects from the story and mixed it in with the theme of the Mahabharata. You have definitely put a lot of thought into your story and how you are going to transition it to the next chapter in your storybook. I am kind of jealous now for choosing to do a portfolio instead of a storybook. I think that your author’s note also does a great job of explaining what is happening in the story even though it seemed pretty obvious by just reading through it. I wish you the best of luck on the rest of this storybook and the rest of the semester! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Vann,
ReplyDeleteHere I am again! I had the opportunity to read you story about Kaloo this time. I am really interested to know how you came about choosing the name for this character only because it's a very unique name! I really liked your story, and how detailed you were able to make it. It was really thought out and well put together. I think the image you provide at the end really gives the story a good look at the environment that was portrayed throughout the whole story. When I read you author's note, I was blown away after making all of the connections. The way you were able to take elements from both of the epics we have read and turned it into something completely brand new was amazing. The only thing I might suggest about the story in general is maybe a small introduction in italics to remind readers what happened before this story. I had to go back and read the introduction again to remember how these stories came together. Other than that, this was very well done, and I am glad I was able to revisit your page this week! Nice job!
Hi Vann! I was assigned to read your storybook again this week even though I just did it 2 weeks ago! The first time, I only focused on the introduction and the first chapter with Rama. This time I read the story about Jara and it was an interesting environment that the story was set in. I like how you made it the northern glaciers in a cold and dark world. Since this is my second time reading your story, I just wanted to say that I think the rest of the little stories really wrap in well with the introduction that you wrote at the beginning of the year. I liked in your author’s note how you pointed out the difference between the male vs female things that were seen as the norm activities. I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your storybook and the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteVann,
ReplyDeleteI checked back on your storybook and love how it has progressed. Kaloo’s arrival is very descriptive, just like Rama’s and I think that you have done a wonderful job painting this picture for your reader. He is by far my favorite character. I like how Kaloo is dark, resentful, and unforgiving. I see the parallels that you listed in your author’s note to Duryodhana. I like the placement of the image for Jara’s story, have you tried to move the image for Kaloo’s to see what it looks like instead? I did find a small typo in the author’s note for Jara’s story. It is in the sentence about Draupadi’s strength. You wrote “He” and I am pretty certain you meant to write “Her”. I hope that I will get to read the final story since Jara has been left on a cliffhanger. I am hoping that she will either help squelch Kaloo’s anger towards his father. Even if I don’t, I love the work you have completed!
Hey, Vann. I love what you have done with your storybook! I have to say that my favorite part of your storybook is the story about Rama. I think it is really cool that that specific story is based off of the Ramayana. That was probably the favorite thing I read this semester and I could never get tired of reading it or reading anything that relates to it. It's also awesome that you chose to do the first story in relation to the Ramayana because all of the class has read it. It really gives us the opportunity to really take all aspects of your story in. It's also really cool to see the transitions you have made when going to the next chapter. This makes reading your storybook so easy and smooth. Great job on your project! I think you did a really great job on it!
ReplyDeleteHi Vann, I really enjoyed your section on Kaloo. His imprisonment and his struggle for controlling his power was symbolic. I would live to see you write more back story to this, maybe as an origin of where Kaloo is from, why he is a slaved worker, how and why he received his powers, etc. Just from reading that section, you have a lot you can plan on and develop a great, detailed story (or collection of stories). I know this is the last we have to writ and share our stories based on the course, but you should definitely continue dabbling in it.
ReplyDeleteThis time I read you story on Tali. I think I am starting to get the bigger picture with how you are creating these mini stories. It feels like each element will be possessed by one person, almost giving it an Avatar feel. I thoroughly enjoyed that series, so to see it mixed in with Indian mythology is great. I am curious to see if the four "chosen" ever meet and devise a plan to overthrow a larger threat. Maybe they wage war against each other, or maybe they simply develop powers and that is the end of it. Thus far there has not been much conflict in your stories (well, direct conflict I should say), so it is interesting to see how you develop this.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely see the element characteristic with each character. Rama is air, Kaloo has fire, and Tali has water. That is very intriguing to me still. I mentioned before that I wished you had dove a little deeper into the origin stories of how each character received their powers, but, the way the story is progressing, that may be better left for a later time. These stories feel like they are "mid origin" stories. This meaning that they are thrown into a conflict after they have established what they can do, and are working towards accomplishing some goal. If you incorporate a flashback from their younger days before these odd conflicts occur, that too would be great. All of the characters are shackled and thrown into terrible locations as a prison. Is there a singular enemy at work here?
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